Last Thursday I officially went into remission! I started the day at about 10:30 with a PET SCAN at Abbott. I could not eat anything in the morning. They flushed my veins with some dye then I had to take a one hour nap in a dark room with warm blankets and drink a bottle of water. This time I didn’t have to drink the nasty milky chalky stuff. Probably because my first scan was at a different location with different protocols. So after an hour they woke me up. Brought me to the exam room. This was another half hour nap. I just had to lay very still for about 25 minutes in the machine while it scans my body from my head to my knees. Then I was free to go. Then I had to be to my doctors office around 3 for the results. First I had my blood taken and then I was called to my room where I was informed of my perfectly clean pet scan. It was a great moment. For me it was just part of the job. It felt like checking another thing off the list. My family was very excited. Everyone was relieved that this is over. However for me, it doesn’t feel “over”. Although I am VERY happy and grateful for my clean scan and to be cancer free. It is just very emotional and surreal and the same time, as well as scary. It’s the end of one thing. But the beginning of another. Life AFTER cancer. That’s all new territory for me. I finally got used to life WITH cancer. And I was used to life BEFORE cancer. Now this life AFTER cancer thing is totally new. I am extremely grateful to get to experience life after cancer. Not everyone does. It feels a little like there is more weight on my shoulders. I feel like I am going to expect more out of myself now. I think it’s a little but similar to survivors guilt. Like I have to make this second chance worth it. Not everyone survives cancer and so I feel a little overwhelmed and very blessed at the same time. I’m not sure which emotion to feed. Really, among the worst words a person could imagine hearing are “you have cancer”. That is the absolute worst thing to have to go through emotionally. And I have already been there and done that and gotten through it. So really in my mind if I start to get scared about something or scared to do something outside of my comfort zone, I just remind myself that this isn’t going to kill me. I know what can kill me and this isn’t it. If I screw something up or it doesn’t go as planned. Life goes on. It really does. After getting the news of the clean scan my doctor came in. He was incredibly excited for me. My doctor is also a cancer survivor. He knows what I’m going through. He reminded me of the amazing new attitude towards life that we now both have, and to never forget it. He is such a positive and amazing person. He pulled up on the computer the picture of my scan which was a picture of my whole body in kind of an xray form and NOTHING was lighting up that shouldn’t be! He then used the mouse to scroll the scan side to side so it looked like I was dancing and yelling “look at me, no cancer!” It was pretty funny actually. Luckily I got a doctor who used to be a comedian! Other than that I don’t really remember anything else that happened in the room. Just a big blur really. But he did give me a great big hug and told me to come back in 6 months. Now I usually hear in other cases to come back in 3 months but he said because things went so well it will be 6. So that’s great but now what? Just go back to normal life? Not that easy but I will do my best!!! I will continue to pray and try not to worry too much. I want to thank every single person who has been with me on this journey. All of my family and friends. Everyone who read my blog, everyone who commented, everyone who prayed for me, visited me, everyone who contributed to making my life easier during this difficult time, everyone who helped with my daughter. It’s been a roller coaster but I’m so thankful to be alive!
Below is an article I found today about life after cancer. May be helpful to some other cancer survivors out there!